Stay
Where did you go? Are you gone for long? Why did you leave and let this thing take your place? I miss you. I miss the level head you had, and the laughs that filled the room. I miss the open heart and the understanding ways.
This thing has taken control of me; I answer every thought and believe every excuse. I wonder why I think this way and why I act the way I do.
I've lost the strength you gave me and the willingness to change.
I am my own worst enemy; I've become what I hate. I feel as though I'm a weight just covered in skin, there’s no soul, no heart no conscience. I'm dragging my empty self to work and the pub without a care. Somehow, I feel my answer is at the bottom of this bottle, this can, and this shot glass. I won't admit otherwise and I hope to find it soon.
My relationships have crumbled; I am now just an object. Will I ever be loved the way you loved me? I feel as though I'll never find peace in what I've done. I've ruined my life, my future and potential just to numb the pain of reality if only for a moment.
Will you ever come back to me? You promised I would never end up this way, you said I was different. I'm waiting for a miracle, something to pull me out of this dark place. I feel your presence near me; you send me hope and light. Tell me it will get better, don't lie to me, don't leave me, don't betray or deceive me. If the light chases away the darkness for one more hour, it will be over. My pain and my confusion will fade away and there you'll stand. You'll knock the bottle out of my hand and give me light. Won't you hold me until the storm subsides?
Where did you go? Are you gone for long? Why did you leave and let this thing take your place? I miss you...
Stay
Many alcoholics are not that lucid about their condition. Many deny that they even have a problem.
ReplyDeleteCorrect, they openly deny to outside parties. But many are aware on the inside and struggle to pull themselves out of that hole. Maybe they can and they don't want to, maybe they want to but they can't. This is an alcoholic's desperation to find who he/she used to be, to find that person they left behind.
ReplyDeleteI understand your point. Some are in a stupor nearly all there waking hours, so they might not be self-reflective. Those who do have periods of sobriety possibly go through what your suggesting.
ReplyDeleteUsually these periods of sobriety promote more drinking. Once they catch a glimps of what they left behind or even discover who they've become harsh feelings start to develop. They turn to the substance that makes that fear, guilt, or shame disappear almost instantly. Its an ongoing struggle because with sobriety comes harsh reality.
ReplyDelete"If the light chases away the darkness for one more hour, it will be over."
So if they can hold on to that sobriety and fight through the negative feelings that chase them then they can possibly pull themselves out of the hole reunite with the person they used to be thats stil there, burried under what they've become.
"My pain and my confusion will fade away and there you'll stand."
I feel that when anyone has developed any type of depression through substances we feel a sense of abandonment. Yes, some addictions can stem from adbandonment from others; but in the end we discover we've abandoned ourselves and thats what I imagine rock bottom feels like. But...everyones different.