Shit I do when I've had a few...

Ever meet me out for a night of fun and wonder…”What the fuck is wrong with her?” or “How much has she had to drink?” I do, I ask myself that question all the time. Well, ponder no more. Here are 10 things I do when I get drunk. Want to trigger my singing…vodka please. Make me shut up? Well…..eh...actually…haha that’s never going to happen, who are we kidding? Here is your guide, print it out, take it with you. Your own personal Drunk Andrea Dictionary.

Ehem....

1) Constant Bar Dice (Whiskey)…Am I proud of this? Hell no, I typically lose and at that point, do you really think I need another shot? Fuck no. I need to step away from the cup and invest in a loaf of bread and a dip on the lake. Maybe a little rehab…but I’ll say no no no… ( <---Yes I’m aware how lame that joke was but I couldn't’t help myself..)

2) I WILL forget to drink (Vodka). At a certain point of the night I will stop drinking. Nothing in particular triggers this, I’ll just stop. My reaction when offered another will be “Yes of course!” I’ll take one sip, set it down and the memory of that tall glass of what not will be lost forever. Those of you that have gone out with me, think back. When I leave a bar I always leave a half full or full glass. This bleeds into the morning after; often I’ll crave a coke, buy a coke, take a sip and ditch the coke. Am I proud of this? Fuck yes, I’m a tiny COSTA RICAN and ITALIAN (non-tail human) ball of fire and energy…do you really think I need more booze? NO.

3) This brings me to my next point, I hit (Whiskey). You say a joke and I’ll laugh, hit your arm or thy and say “ooh you.” Then of course I’ll do something completely fucking adorable so you don’t hit back. One’s that do hit back, don’t for one second think I’ll back down. I have this habit of thinking I can actually take down a grown ass man when I’ve had a few (Although I never attempt to do so).

4) I get sassy, turn into a smart ass, and get greedy, and I’m very blunt about it (Beer). It’s a cluster fuck of old school flirting techniques and modern day instant gratification, all the while keeping it appropriate and classy. Yea, I’m adorable.

5)I turn into Oprah and Dr. Phil (Beer/Rum)…that’s got to be annoying…seriously. Fuck.

6) Debate and or in-depth conversations. (Beer/Water) This can last for hours…literally. When you walk in the bar and ever wonder what kind of drunk I am…look at me and notice my hand gestures. If I’m using a lot, I’m this. If it involves me flipping someone off, then I’m not this. That would usually mean I’ve had way too much whisky and you should probably turn around and pretend you never saw me.

7) I’m quiet. (vodka,whiskey,tequila,beer,cig,beer,cig,whiskey,whiskey,whiskey) No I won’t get sick…just, think of it as a “calm before the storm.”

8) Tequila (Tequila)…oh Jesus…


9)As everyone has in the past, I have gotten emotional drunk. (Jack and sour) Thus why I don’t drink Jack and sour. You give me a shot of Jack, I’m fine. You mix Jack with coke, I’m fine. You give me a jack and sour…you are no longer a friend. Those of you that go out with me will notice I NEVER order Jack. This is why.

10) I get spacey/giggly (Champagne/wine). Every fucking thing you say or do will geek me out. I am not on the planet you’re on, I am somewhere else…trust me. One thing to know about me is I am constantly in deep thought. So much so I have been known to be somewhere else. I’m not an air head, I’m analyzing, thinking of a story scenario or in my creative flow. You may notice when I’m sober, I’m very calm and collected, and a little passive…well now you know why. When I down champagne or wine all of that intensifies and I’m gone. Peace.

More Bang for your Buck? I think not...

It has come to my attention the main actors of the-oh- so-retarded "Twilight" Movies want more money! Oh Please! I've never seen worse acting then the shit show that takes place in these "Films"...wait except for Miley Cyrus. The infamous break-up between Bella and Edward was painful to watch, and not the way it was meant to be. Bella looked like she was falling asleep and Edward looked bored. It was like watching paint dry! You'd think if the love of your life was ditching you for good you'd show the slightest amount of hysterics or panic. (Oh yea, she ran in the woods and tripped...right) I wanted to pop into my TV and shake them violently…"WAKE UP!" The angst of Bella and Edward was very similar (too similar) to Buffy and Angel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUFou7mOyp8). Why didn't they take notes? Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words...


Throughout all of Jacob Black's scenes you would find me pacing the living room in frustration. Since when, in the acting world, does "looking pissed off," have to look so much like utter constipation? Why does Edward look like he's about to hurl when he's about to kiss Bella? Isn't the feeling supposed to be cautious, not sick? And how the fuck do you tell whether Bella is pissed off, sad, in pain or surprised? All her expressions are the same! Acting, or the art of looking like you’re in pain, is painful to achieve...apparently. Besides the poor character development and cardboard acting the movie was pretty decent, doesn't do the books justice though. As a friendly disclaimer to the actors/actresses I ripped apart for this blog, all is not lost. I'm confident the potential is there and I assume they've all done swimmingly in other films. To ask for more money for a piss poor job is ridiculous I must admit. What is your argument? Give me more money because I want it? I wish it were that easy over here in the real world. Besides sticking it up their behinds, they should take the money you know they'll get and pay for some classes!