Shit I do when I've had a few...

Ever meet me out for a night of fun and wonder…”What the fuck is wrong with her?” or “How much has she had to drink?” I do, I ask myself that question all the time. Well, ponder no more. Here are 10 things I do when I get drunk. Want to trigger my singing…vodka please. Make me shut up? Well…..eh...actually…haha that’s never going to happen, who are we kidding? Here is your guide, print it out, take it with you. Your own personal Drunk Andrea Dictionary.

Ehem....

1) Constant Bar Dice (Whiskey)…Am I proud of this? Hell no, I typically lose and at that point, do you really think I need another shot? Fuck no. I need to step away from the cup and invest in a loaf of bread and a dip on the lake. Maybe a little rehab…but I’ll say no no no… ( <---Yes I’m aware how lame that joke was but I couldn't’t help myself..)

2) I WILL forget to drink (Vodka). At a certain point of the night I will stop drinking. Nothing in particular triggers this, I’ll just stop. My reaction when offered another will be “Yes of course!” I’ll take one sip, set it down and the memory of that tall glass of what not will be lost forever. Those of you that have gone out with me, think back. When I leave a bar I always leave a half full or full glass. This bleeds into the morning after; often I’ll crave a coke, buy a coke, take a sip and ditch the coke. Am I proud of this? Fuck yes, I’m a tiny COSTA RICAN and ITALIAN (non-tail human) ball of fire and energy…do you really think I need more booze? NO.

3) This brings me to my next point, I hit (Whiskey). You say a joke and I’ll laugh, hit your arm or thy and say “ooh you.” Then of course I’ll do something completely fucking adorable so you don’t hit back. One’s that do hit back, don’t for one second think I’ll back down. I have this habit of thinking I can actually take down a grown ass man when I’ve had a few (Although I never attempt to do so).

4) I get sassy, turn into a smart ass, and get greedy, and I’m very blunt about it (Beer). It’s a cluster fuck of old school flirting techniques and modern day instant gratification, all the while keeping it appropriate and classy. Yea, I’m adorable.

5)I turn into Oprah and Dr. Phil (Beer/Rum)…that’s got to be annoying…seriously. Fuck.

6) Debate and or in-depth conversations. (Beer/Water) This can last for hours…literally. When you walk in the bar and ever wonder what kind of drunk I am…look at me and notice my hand gestures. If I’m using a lot, I’m this. If it involves me flipping someone off, then I’m not this. That would usually mean I’ve had way too much whisky and you should probably turn around and pretend you never saw me.

7) I’m quiet. (vodka,whiskey,tequila,beer,cig,beer,cig,whiskey,whiskey,whiskey) No I won’t get sick…just, think of it as a “calm before the storm.”

8) Tequila (Tequila)…oh Jesus…


9)As everyone has in the past, I have gotten emotional drunk. (Jack and sour) Thus why I don’t drink Jack and sour. You give me a shot of Jack, I’m fine. You mix Jack with coke, I’m fine. You give me a jack and sour…you are no longer a friend. Those of you that go out with me will notice I NEVER order Jack. This is why.

10) I get spacey/giggly (Champagne/wine). Every fucking thing you say or do will geek me out. I am not on the planet you’re on, I am somewhere else…trust me. One thing to know about me is I am constantly in deep thought. So much so I have been known to be somewhere else. I’m not an air head, I’m analyzing, thinking of a story scenario or in my creative flow. You may notice when I’m sober, I’m very calm and collected, and a little passive…well now you know why. When I down champagne or wine all of that intensifies and I’m gone. Peace.